Every time this man opens his mouth, another thousand satirists bite the dust – unable to compete in an environment where real life is more bizarre than you could hope to invent.
But if Euroslime Dave really wants to know what would make us happy – which I seriously doubt – he would have to do just one small thing. It is a three-letter word. Foxtrot Oscar is another clue, to something that you cannot be polite about, or even begin to address rationally.
Speaking at the Google Zeitgeist Europe conference, this barking fool says: "Wellbeing can't be measured by money or traded in markets. It's about the beauty of our surroundings, the quality of our culture and, above all, the strength of our relationships. Improving our society's sense of wellbeing is, I believe, the central political challenge of our times."
One is staggered, however, to learn that almost 30 MPs have signed an EDM calling for the move, arguing that ''promoting happiness and well-being is a legitimate and important goal of government''.
What these little muppets don't seem to realise is that the greatest single contribution they could make to our wellbeing is to cease to exist. Failing that, a good start if they tried to avoid going out of their ways to piss us off with such gay abandon.
But that it just a start. The truth is that, like a three-headed dog with rabies, any politician dipping into this pond is beyond redemption. We are domed.
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