Some light entertainment

Robert Matthews, prospective Conservative MEP, is asking what should be in the Conservative manifesto for the European elections, over at Centre Right. Amid the flights of fancy, we decided to offer our own, slightly more realistic suggestions:

Lets keep this simple ... we are talking about policies which MEPs have to remember.

1. Slogan: "In Europe and run by Europe".
2. All expenses to be paid in euros, except when dollar rate is higher, when dollar payments shall be made.
3. To encourage more employment, chauffeur-driven cars to be cleaned more often. Twice a day is not enough.
4. New laws for approval by the EP to be printed in Braille.
5. MEP assistants to be taught Braille so they can tell their MEPs what's in the new laws.
6. No voting sessions to extend into lunch period. They must, therefore, terminate at 11.30.
7. Ryanair to provide club class seats.
8. MEP separate channels in airports to be screened off to stop plebs gawking.
9. More facilities for guide dogs in the EP.
10. Plebs required to doff caps when MEPs pass in chauffeur-driven cars (see above) - introduce cap subsidy to enable plebs to wear caps.
11. That's enough laws - ed (until after lunch).

We suspect that not all of these will appear in the official manifesto.

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