For our next trick…

From the organisation that is going to bring childproof lighters to a town near you, the latest, world-shattering initiative is?

Well, according to Reuters, having thought long and hard about the next vital measure to prevent Germany going to war with France – or vice versa – the EU commission has come up with another absolutely stunning wheeze.

Wait for it, children… it is planning to ban mercury-in-glass thermometers. Now, repeat after me children… mercury is toxic and it poses a risk to humans, ecosystems and wildlife, so we are going to ban it, ban, ban, ban… oh, and barometers and blood pressure gauges as well.

Zeez are a "serious threat to health" schturms Günter Verheugen, EU Kommizar vor Enterprize and Industry. Ziss meazure vill reduce zee amount of toxik merkury entering zee vaste schtreem. Ziss ischt gut vor our volk's health unt zee environment." Unt if you get near zee merkury from zee broken zermometers you vill kause damage to zee lungs, kidneys unt zee brain. You vill die! You vill all die, die I tell you, die!

Dear, dear God. Do these people have nothing better else to do with their time?

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