Victory in Europe

Following the despatches from the front by our intrepid reporters, datelined 24 January, this Blog can report that the war is over. After stiff resistance by Poland, parties meeting in a railway carriage just outside Versailles have agreed that reduced VAT rates on hairdressers and restauranters, and even minor construction works, can continue until 2010.

A reporter from EU Observer, who did not witness the ceremony, bravely filleted the press release from the former warring parties, produced in the run-up to the armistice. Austrian finance minister Karl-Heinz Grasser, after the talks with his Polish counterpart Zyta Gilowska and EU tax commissioner Laszlo Kovacs in Vienna, was cited as saying: "It's a victory for Europe."

Our reporters, covering the exuberent street scenes, throughout the capitals of Europe, say "it's just wild out there". There has been non-stop celebrating and street parties galore. Said one of our front-line staff, "Heaven knows what would happen if they reduced VAT on underpants."

Commissioner Margot Wallstrom, referring to her communication from her command bunker in Brussels, told a BBC reporter, "Citizens expect Europe to offer them prosperity, solidarity and security...". We have delivered on our promise to deliver. "Plan D", she said, "means more than 'democracy'. It also means 'delivery'.

Shortly before she left for the clinic, Wallstrom told EU Referendum, "For us, in the Commission, this is VD-Day".

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