Having abandoned his pledge to give us a referendum on the Lisbon Treaty, Dave "Euroslime" Cameron has decided to give us a faux act of parliament which pretends to limit the further acquisition of powers by the EU, long after it has got most of the powers it needs.
Some of the Tory backbenchers, though, are entering into the spirit of things. Presented with a faux Bill, they are working on having a faux rebellion, led by that faux eurosceptic (who still thinks Britain should be in a "reformed" EU), Bill Cash.
The egregious Cash, whose ability to "bore for England" is reckoned to be able to clear the lobby of MPs faster than a fire alarm or an investigation into personal expenses, has tabled amendments to the Bill. This thereby ensures absolutely minimal support, as most MPs would rather poke their eyes out with blunt screwdrivers than support anything Cash put his weight behind.
This especially applies to Labour MPs. Although it was hoped that some might vote for the Cash amendments, Labour sources have dismissed that idea, saying: "We are not voting with the Tory Right". Instead, they will be voting for their party's own, weak as dishwater amendment, which is almost as meaningless as a Miliband speech.
So it is that Euroslime's Bill will get an easy passage through the House tomorrow. There will be some faux excitement from some faux journalists, and then it will all be over – treble gins all round and book a call to Barroso to tell him it's in the bag.
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