But, if we did, it would look a bit like this. Chris Bryant in the Independent on Sunday writing about Dave Cameron's problems on "Europe".
"Such is the visceral anti-Europeanism in his party," Bryant writes, "ever since he became leader of the Tories he's had to keep on suggesting that he would hold a special referendum on the Lisbon treaty, even if it has been ratified and brought into force."
But then it stops being comedy and turns to tragedy and farce in equal measure. What can we make of it? I almost feel sorry for Dave ... any which way he turns, he's heading the wrong way up a one-way street.